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Nobody Raped Your Childhood

I am hereby calling for a defacto moratorium on using the word “rape” to describe anything other than a sexual assault.

I know I’m definitely not the first person to point this out, but I hope I will be able to put it to rest for those of you who are adamant about continuing to use the word “rape” when you don’t like a movie or TV show based on some property that you once loved.  Words have a meaning and they have an impact.

inigo montoya

For those who need a reminder (from Wikipedia):

Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person’s consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or against a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent. The term rape is sometimes used interchangeably with the term sexual assault.

Somehow that phrase has gotten into the vernacular and people just drop it like old folks saying things like “I jewed him down” or “n*****r-rigged”.  Seriously people, to say someone’s stupid remake raped your childhood is just as dickish as saying a racial epitaph.  Think about it.

For someone who has been raped, you are brushing off the severity of their assault by comparing it to a poorly made movie.  Your senses may have been assaulted for two hours but you were free to leave.  Try telling that to a rape survivor.

But I’m not going to appeal to your sensitivity because if you’ve been on the internet, you may have begun to suspect that compassion and civility are completely dead.  They are extinct.  People are now free to say whatever nonsense pops into their tiny, empty heads.  So I’m going to appeal to your vanity.  There’s plenty of that still going around.  Saying that anything other than an actual sexual assault is a rape makes you look incredibly STUPID, like a complete MORON, a NINCOWPOOP.


Doing something dickish without realizing it’s dickish can be forgiven.  But once you have been made aware of it and you continue to do it (and god forbid defend doing it)… well, that makes you a complete asshole.  Is that really your intention?

Plus, to further help you out, I’m going to give you some replacements.  If you want to sound a little high brow, you can call the new Michael Bay travesty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a bastardization (i.e., to lower in quality or character; debase).  And if that’s too many syllables for you to handle, just say he took a large, steaming dump on your childhood.  It’s a far more accurate statement.

Is it art or is it shit?  You decide.

Is it art or is it shit? You decide.

There, I feel like I’ve done my public service for the week.

P.S. And one more thing, if you are in an argument with anyone and you or the other person drops a comparison to Nazis, Hitler or the Holocaust, that person automatically loses the argument.  Your ignorant hyperbole is an instant fail.


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