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If It’s Too Loud…


If it’s too loud, you’re too old.

This is kind of a bullshit phrase.  As we age, our hearing deteriorates.  If that is the case, if it’s too loud for us, what the hell is it like for someone with better hearing?  Or perhaps our hearing deteriorates because we had it too loud all these years.

I’m going to sound like an old fuddy-duddy but I think movies are getting too loud, too bright and overall too chaotic.  Well, action movies are.

For the past few years, I’ve been suffering through the action scenes of the big summer films with less and less tolerance.  There are movies that I genuinely want to see but they are becoming very difficult to watch.

I really enjoyed last summer’s Star Trek Into Darkness but I couldn’t keep my eyes open during some of the action sequences, especially the shootout between some of the Enterprise crew and the Klingons.  I saw the film multiple times and every time, I just closed my eyes until it was over.  Not exactly a glowing review.

Some people have told me that it’s because movies are trying to compete with the videogame experience of the first person shooter variety and the scenes are shot to mimic that.  Well those games make me physically ill, literally (and I’m using that word correctly here).

It’s also been proposed that it’s cheaper to shoot an action scene with a constantly moving camera so that it creates tension and urgency without having to spend too much time or effort on actually doing something better.  Not as much skill in performing stunts or choreography is necessary and you can remain in a tight frame to keep effects costs down.  I saw The French Connection on a big screen and it was just as exciting as anything they put out today.  And I could watch the whole thing, including the car chase, without a problem.

I like a fun movie as much as the next person but not if it’s headache-inducing.  I know that I’m not necessarily the target audience for some of these films but I fear it may get so bad soon that someone will be thrown into an epileptic seizure from all the lights and sounds.  The human body has its limits but we seem to pride ourselves on testing those as often as possible.

I used to love roller-coasters and I still do enjoy the ones built up until about 2000.  The latest ones are no longer fun.  They’re endurance tests.  That’s not how I like to spend my weekends.  If that’s what young people like, more power to them.  I just don’t want to be left out of the fun all the time.  I have disposable income too.  And I’m willing to pay a little more for what I want.

Catering to the new DINK demographic might be quite lucrative.

DINK life meme

I joke that I’d pay double to go to places like Disneyland on a 21 and over only day.  I imagine I’m not the only one.  Sometimes the best thing about going to a bar (if it’s not too loud) is that there are no kids there.  And as rates of childbearing drop, there are going to be a lot more adults than kids in the near future.


So start catering to the early to middle adults (25 to 55).  We’re a little more discerning so you’re going to have to work just a little harder for our cash.  But it could be well worth it.  Here we are now, entertain us.


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