In a week I will be getting married for the first time in my life. I’m in my early 40s.
My fiancé has said that he wishes he had met me sooner so we could have spent more of our lives together. As sweet a sentiment as that is, the truth of the matter is if we had met sooner and somewhere besides Southern California, we probably wouldn’t be together today.
I know who I was in my twenties and thirties and the settling down type I was not. I had a wanderlust and a thirst for freedom that my husband-to-be would never have been able to understand or accommodate. I needed to sow my wild oats in order to be with him today.
We all think that hindsight is 20-20 and if we knew then what we know now, it might make all the difference in how we lived our lives. But I say timing is everything. The Rolling Stones got it right with this one.
What we want and what we need are rarely the same thing. We want to be loved but we need to love. We want freedom but we need responsibility. We want adventure but we need stability.
None of these things are contradictory. They are actually complimentary. I want to be wanted but I need to be needed. And this is something that I didn’t know before my late 30s.
Sometimes we luck out and get what we want and need before we’ve had the opportunity to get clear about it. Then we just come to recognize our good fortune. Other times, we have to try on a few options before we find one that works. And every once in a while, something old is new again.
I didn’t get what I wanted but I got what I needed. That makes me want it all the more now. And its timing couldn’t have been better if I had planned it myself. Life is funny that way.