I feel like I’ve been hungry since I woke up this morning. In fact, I woke up early specifically because I was hungry, but I made myself go back to sleep. I had to get up early this morning to do laundry so the alarm was set for 6am but the hunger went off about an hour earlier. While doing laundry, the granola bar that normally hits the spot wasn’t enough and I had an apple too.
I had my normal breakfast of yogurt and coffee but I was ravenous at noon (an hour earlier than I normally have lunch). By three, I had to raid someone’s office candy dish and now I’m eating some Chex Mix I got from a vending machine. Aargh!
I’ve discovered that I’m a three squares kind of gal. A decent meal usually satiates me for hours. But for some reason, today it’s just not doing the trick. It’s going to be a hearty dinner tonight.
This got me thinking about other types of “days” I sometimes have that make no sense.
Every so often I have a Sleepy Day where the eight hours I got the night before seems to have had no effect and by 4pm, I’m ready to face plant right into my keyboard. Coffee is completely ineffectual too. Then there are times when I have Anxious Days. For no discernible reason, I feel anxious and ill-at-ease, like something bad is about to happen even though nothing terrible comes to pass. And then there are the dreaded Angry Days. Things that normally pass by unnoticed become the source of volcanic-like rage. I’m pretty much pissed off all day even if no one can tell (I’m a rager on the inside).
It’s days like these when I’m reminded that I’m not completely in control of the U.S.S. Marie. I don’t decide to be hungry all day regardless of what I eat. I don’t think, this will be the day I can barely keep my eyes open. I can’t even remotely predict when that guy who doesn’t clean up after himself in the office kitchen will chap my hide. But these things occur.
One of the greatest paradoxes in all of spirituality I have discovered is learning to take responsibility for all of one’s life while knowing that you aren’t in control of what happens within it. Come to think of it, life is nothing but paradox. It’s an enigma wrapped in a puzzle surrounded by mystery.
If you love something, set it free. Be committed to a cause but not attached to the outcome. The more something scares you, the more you should probably do it. The more you learn, the more you realize you don’t know. And the pièce de résistance: the more afraid you are of death, the less you will enjoy life.
So, when you have a hungry day or an anxious day, just be thankful you are having a day. It’s all grist for the mill as Ram Dass once wrote. It’s all part of a bigger picture that you may not be able to see from your current vantage point.